Meet Fleet Topaz, From Portland, OR

Fleet Topaz showed up to the jungle gym last Tuesday wearing a beer hat, kaleidoscope eyes, and a sports jersey, which immediately raised questions about what exactly happened at the previous night's party. Those spinning kaleidoscope lenses mean they can't actually see straight, but they refuse to remove them, insisting it makes everything "more interesting" (it mostly just makes them walk into trees). The bolo tie is apparently a statement about fashion, though the statement appears to be "I found this at a garage sale and it pairs weirdly with everything." They spend most afternoons riffing on increasingly unhinged sports commentary while their partner in chaos Cosmic Flint waves a foam finger and pretends to understand the rules. Fleet's convinced that wearing a jungle-colored chameleon body while dressed like they're about to tailgate is peak comedy, and honestly, they might be right. The whole operation runs on goofy energy and zero regard for what makes sense.